MUMblings!

Let me begin by saying I envy you stay at home moms. Not for any other reason other than the fact that you never miss out on a single moment in your child’s life. No matter what age your child is, I don’t think they ever stop needing you and you’ll be there for them. For me the case is quite different. I grew up in a family that believed that as I woman I needed to have as much ambition as my brothers. I was encouraged to study and work as hard as I could. I started working at a very young age and found no trouble in climbing the corporate ladder. I got married 8 years ago and had a baby boy after 6 years of marriage.

After I had my son, I wouldn’t say that my career drive diminished, I’d say my mother drive increased. Even when I started my maternity leave, I worked from home right until 3 days before my delivery. After my son’s birth, within 3 weeks I was online again catching up with all the pending work. My company is great and they’ve been very supportive. The things is that in today’s world I think we’re able to structure our lives such that we can at least try to do it all. That’s what I did. I saw no sense in giving up so many years of sheer grit and determination to get to where I am today, just because I’d had a baby. I mean, millions of moms do it everyday right? And it wasn’t like I would be leaving my son with a babysitter or a total stranger.. he would be looked after by my mom. So I rationalized all these things and went back to work.

The first day that I had to get ready and walk out the door, it tore my heart in two. I felt like a reluctant child on the 1st day of school. Twice I went all the way to the car and came back because I thought I heard Anshul cry. When I got to work, I called my mom every 7 mins to check if everything was ok. I worried so much. What if she went for a bath and he woke up? What if she fell asleep? My mom is great and these fears were totally unfounded but still, I made myself sick with worry. By 3pm that day I had worried so much that I felt drained and headed home. Yes, its been getting better and Anshul had adjusted well. I think I’ve had a tougher time adjusting, than he has.

No matter how great technology gets, the absence of a mother is the absence of a mother. There’s no two ways about it. I think it’s a challenge for all working parents to spend hours away from their children when all we really want to do is cuddle them n’ play all day. I love it when I come home after a long day at work and Anshul will make his way to the door and jump into my arms. He does this every single day. I still feel guilty every now and then for missing out on such a huge part of his early years and I know he misses me when I’m gone but I like to think of it this way. Either I can stay at home and be a doting mom or I can work hard and give Anshul the best that this life has to offer, while still feeling like a wholesome and satisfied woman. Makes sense doesn’t it? At least for now it does.

I know I’m going to be an awesome mom! There’s an 8 year difference between my younger sister and me, and in many ways she was my little baby when we were growing up. Whether it was getting her all dolled up or holding her hand and helping her cross the street, I took on the mother figure role quite early in life and I’ve loved it. Now that I’m actually going to be a mother for the first time (my baby is due in 6 and a half months), I can’t even begin to describe the feeling! As clichéd as it sounds, life really is just so much more happier now! Even though I’m not really showing at this point of time and can’t see any major physical changes in myself, I’m already starting to see drastic changes in the people around me. And YES, I’m lovin’ it!

When we found out that we were having a baby, I wanted it to be a really special moment for my parents. They were really looking forward to becoming grandparents for the first time. So even after my doctor confirmed my pregnancy, I was still thinking of how to tell them. Two days after that my mom turned up at my doorstep with my dad and the rest of my family with balloons, sweets and food! They threw me a surprise party in my own home!!!! It turns out that my gynec goes to the same club as my dad and he had spilt the beans! It was so funny! I was trying to make the moment special for them and here they were falling all over themselves to make me feel special! I guess that’s what family is all about! Now I get pampered so much at home that sometimes it makes me laugh. If I even sneeze, my husband comes running from the next room to check if I’m ok. The other night I woke up to find him sitting and closely watching my face. He was having a quiet moment of affection for me and our little baby. It’s the most special feeling in the world.

There are times when I suddenly remind myself that I have to be extra careful now that I have a life growing inside of me. Then I have this mixed feeling of complete euphoria and even fear. It makes me feel so responsible.. that another life depends on me! But I choose to enjoy the feeling because the nothing that can match what I feel right now. It’s not a game of dressing up my baby sister anymore but still, I have been able to bring joy into my family and nothing can be more special than that! I hear women complain about the difficulties of being pregnant but I think I will miss being pregnant after my baby is born – I think I’ll miss all the love and attention! I’ll miss feeling like a princess!